the rumors are true.

this is me, to a tee.

sparks.

do not let your fire go out,
spark by irreplaceable spark,
in the hopeless swamps of the approximate,
the not-quite, the not-yet,
the not-at-all.
do not let the hero in your soul perish,
in lonely frustration for the
life you deserved,
but have never been able to reach.
check your road and the
nature of your battle.
the world you desire can be won.
it exists. it is real.
it is possible.
it is yours.

– Ayn Rand

oof.

truth be told,

i'm in a bit of a hole today.

a sunday secret & random verbal spew.

i keep wondering how much longer
love will elude me
(or i'll elude love?)

i'm growing tired of being
solitary.

i miss having...
a guaranteed movie buddy,
a little spoon,
a shoulder to smoosh my face into,
feet to warm my icy toes,
hair to run my fingers through,
& sleepy eyes to wake up next to.
true intimacy.

no amount of killing time
or self-induced ignorance
will make me less homesick for this.


.................


it's been a weird week.
i'm still trying to figure some things out.
school is going decently enough
- i'm not currently panicking,
which is a nice change.
i can't help but feel like it has
to do with the calming effect
someone has had upon me...

but who knows,
maybe it's just spring that's been
my breath of fresh air,
& not him.
maybe i'll never know.

distance.

this is proving to be difficult.

is it possible to miss something you
never really had in the first place?

tonight i'm tangled in my blanket of clouds...

dreaming aloud...