Off the radar.

Rough week.

Deep realizations,

a certain no-show to my party,

news of mortality x 2...

it's enough to make a person want to jump ship.

But instead I'm going to cling to the few but

truly amazing friendships that I have.

No dude has ever been there for me the way I need him to be.

My friends always have. & for that, I'm thankful.

I no longer want to spend my time searching

for something or someone that may not exist.

I no longer want to subconsciously & unintentionally

put people up on pedestals

- it's a long way to fall.

Explanation is not at all owed to those who give me nothing.

Off the radar I go.

EDIT: [side bar - the party was a fucking blast! i ♥ my friends]

Zev blogs.

I haven't blogged much lately 'cause

Zev hogs the computer.

life imitates art?

i seem to be the epitome of pensive these days.

Love.

This is me & my new boyfriend.

I like not wearing glasses. (+++)

I don't like that contacts make my eyes

burn like the depths of hell. (- - - )

Meet Zev.

this is Zev.

sometimes he looks like a little old man.

zzzzzzzzzzz.

notes to self.

1. ) i'm gonna stop doing this:

2.) 'cause tides have the potential to change at any time.

3.) but hey, at least i know i can still get butterflies.

4.) I need to remind myself of this over & over & over til it sinks in:

you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person,you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person,you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person,you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person, you can't change a person x infinity.

Apparently I'm done being bitter and cynical....

...& am back to wanting what I might never have.

I think I prefer this mindset despite how deluded it may be.

I'm happier here.

dance party.

aaaaaaand a love song. for kicks:

i like black bears.

yeah, i do.

this blog entry couldn't be anymore cryptic,

i love it.

siiiiiiiiiigh.

anticipation.

wham.

Just like that...I just got blasted.

Butterflies, palpitations, fireworks. Holy fuck.

My ticker isn't entirely broken after all. Who knew?

solo movie night part one thousand.

This was a really, really good film.

Intense, heart-wrenching, the whole bit.

I've been down with Peter Sarsgaard since Garden State...

& somehow I still managed to find him endearing in this movie

despite the fact that he played a lying, cheating cradle-robber.

notes to self

- unblock heart.

- keep taking the high road despite bullshit.

- throw up the bitter pill i must have inadvertently swallowed after experiencing the year of total hell..AKA 2009.

maybe this is what i'll need to have done in order to rectify this blockage in my cardiovascular system...