paintballs and pensivity.

My first paintball battle wound.

Aaaaaaaand...

I've been feeling super pensive lately...

but don't I always?

I used to be so well-versed when it came to words...

I would write & type to my heart's content,

pouring out every emotion in my mind, my heart, & my bones.

But now when I make the attempt, it just doesn't flow.

I keep waiting for this 'writer's block' to pass however I'm starting to think

it may have some permanence.

Still playing the dating game, or as I like to call it -

the dating paradox.

Still playing the waiting game, 'cause nothing wants to stick.

However I'm definitely floating in a sea of contentment

by myself for the most part.

I function well on my own.

Although I must admit

every now & then

[more often than I'd like to admit]

I find myself longing for something

someone

that may not exist.

Or wanting to create a closeness with someone

I simply cannot have or should not have.

I've been in love enough times to count on one hand.

But I've only felt true heartbreak once in my life.

When the other loves dissipated it was a natural ending.

But not all endings occur naturally.

Sometimes they conclude with an unpredicted natural disaster.

Communities, cities, countries & populations

take years to rebuild afterwards.

I guess the same is true for matters of the heart...

But love is truly a battlefield

& this war had to happen.

So my heart will remain armed & ready for the next one.