the nights are long.

Wish I knew why it is

that I can fall asleep on the couch,
but when I crawl into bed,
my mind enters into some kind of
strange, supersonic overdrive.

I feel fragile.
So much pressure.
There's only one thing holding me together.

I miss holding hands.
I miss comfort.
I miss having a shoulder to rest my head.

I miss certainty.
But maybe certainty doesn't exist,
just the illusion of certainty.

If that's the case,
I miss the illusion.


My ticker needs some defibrillation.
Wish someone would step in with the paddles.