waiting.

I used to have a stronger voice.
I used to be able to write.
The words would flow freely, effortlessly, articulately...
I used to feel like I felt too much,
if that's even humanly possible.
But now I feel like the cat's got my tongue
& I can't seem to find the vocabulary
to describe how I'm feeling most days.

I feel like I'm in a constant state of waiting,
waiting to snap the fuck out of
this indescribably numb lull that
I've been in for the past year.

I admit,
I've become a tad cynical.
But I'm doing my best to get a handle on it.

I did the right thing last fall
when I walked away from a toxic,
abusive relationship.

Only since then,
that experience has caused me to
question the sincerity of
anyone new entering my life.

If anyone has any pointers on how to
dispel this seemingly reflexive response,
please share your secret with me.

this picture is from 6+ years ago...
funny how things change...
(& yet don't change at all).