i said i would post my "resolutions" so here they are.
i've left out the obvious ones that
everyone makes & never keeps
i.e. eat better, don't get fat, exercise,
have more sex, make more money, go more places,
yada yada yada.
so dun dun dun...here they are.
my hopes for 2011:
1. to diffuse cynicism & doubt when it comes
to building/maintaining successful relationships
its quite silly to base all of my
future decisions & ideals
on past hardships,
bouts of bad luck,
lapses of proper judgment,
& the lingering memory of
all the shit i waded through in years previous.
i need to learn from the past
without dwelling upon the marks
its left upon me.
2. to go out of my way to make time
for my friends/loved ones
school doesn't need to take over
my life in its entirety.
perfection is unachievable & also unnecessary.
sanity supersedes 'perfect' grades anyway.
& i need my friends in order to get through
the insanity that is nursing school.
(dyani, this means you. i MISS you.)
3. to screw realism, & embrace idealism
this is sort of a continuance from #1...
but being too realistic is
bordering on pessimistic for me these days.
i miss my silly old hopeful self
who dreamt of things that may never be.
i hope that trait re-emerges in me somehow.
4. to stop planning what's beyond my control
whatever happens, happens.
(no more hypothetical 5-year plans)
5. to leave the past behind.
& let go of old grudges.
if i don't find a way to do this,
old wounds can never heal,
& my heart will never have room
for anything or anyone new.
i think that's it in a nutshell.
i don't regret much that happened last year,
or anything that happened
in the years prior for that matter...
after all,
everything that happens to us makes us
who we are at this very moment.
& no,
i don't believe everything happens for a reason...
some things happen for NO fucking reason at all,
so searching for some kind of hidden
subliminal explanation in each & every
life-changing occurrence
is tedious & somewhat ridiculous.
so bring it on, 2011.
i'm growing tired of the same old shit
happening over & over.
i'm ready for a change.
1. to diffuse cynicism & doubt when it comes
to building/maintaining successful relationships
its quite silly to base all of my
future decisions & ideals
on past hardships,
bouts of bad luck,
lapses of proper judgment,
& the lingering memory of
all the shit i waded through in years previous.
i need to learn from the past
without dwelling upon the marks
its left upon me.
2. to go out of my way to make time
for my friends/loved ones
school doesn't need to take over
my life in its entirety.
perfection is unachievable & also unnecessary.
sanity supersedes 'perfect' grades anyway.
& i need my friends in order to get through
the insanity that is nursing school.
(dyani, this means you. i MISS you.)
3. to screw realism, & embrace idealism
this is sort of a continuance from #1...
but being too realistic is
bordering on pessimistic for me these days.
i miss my silly old hopeful self
who dreamt of things that may never be.
i hope that trait re-emerges in me somehow.
4. to stop planning what's beyond my control
whatever happens, happens.
(no more hypothetical 5-year plans)
5. to leave the past behind.
& let go of old grudges.
if i don't find a way to do this,
old wounds can never heal,
& my heart will never have room
for anything or anyone new.
i think that's it in a nutshell.
i don't regret much that happened last year,
or anything that happened
in the years prior for that matter...
after all,
everything that happens to us makes us
who we are at this very moment.
& no,
i don't believe everything happens for a reason...
some things happen for NO fucking reason at all,
so searching for some kind of hidden
subliminal explanation in each & every
life-changing occurrence
is tedious & somewhat ridiculous.
so bring it on, 2011.
i'm growing tired of the same old shit
happening over & over.
i'm ready for a change.
I need to make #2 one of my resolutions as well. I miss you too, very very much. Sure we are busy but I think we've both fallen in to the habit of not hanging out. We need to fix that!!
ReplyDeleteAs for the other resolutions, I am SO happy to know that you are making your happiness a priority and are going to work at overcoming the bad shit. You deserve so much more than the "realism" you've held on to in the last year or so. It's a great idea to keep your feet on the ground, but digging them stubbornly into the dirt is a whole different story.
<3 you!!
I think #2 is a good one too.
ReplyDeleteI hope you're not giving up on it.
I'm not. I just do what I can. The reality is, school has to remain my #1 priority. It has to come before everything.
ReplyDelete