- Heraclitus

hmmmm...

one step forward,
two steps back.

sometimes it's a little too easy
to fall back into old habits.

i'm metaphorically
banging my head against
the wall today. ugh.

in other news...

i'm excited for the long weekend.
i deliberately didn't make too many plans.

tonight will likely involve
eating leftovers & double stuf oreos
in my underwear
& watching lame movies
in a meager attempt to
diffuse the 1/4 life crisis
i feel like i'm loathing in right now.

tomorrow,
i will be wandering around gimli
with friends staring at vikings,
eating shitty food,
& hiding from the sun.

i had intended on making
some kind of celebratory plans
for my birthday
but i think i'm scrapping
the whole idea altogether.
there's too many other things
going on at the time.

marco polo.

i had the most random,
hilariously awesome night
on tuesday
with one of my nursing school pals.

this just about sums it up:

the toad,
gin,
random dudes we met,
papa george's,
a swimming pool,
volleyball,
marco polo.

so much fun!
can't remember the last time
my cheeks & guts hurt
from laughing so hard.

it was just what i needed.

the days were starting to feel
like the same boring record
repeating itself
over&over&over.

sometimes,
instead of waiting for things to happen,
you just need to put yourself out there
& LET them happen.

ugh.

back pain
+
boredom
+
busted hot water tank
+
sleep deprivation

=

grumpy linz :(

school starts in a month
& i'm not quite ready
to dive back into the books.

sigh.

summer,
you disappoint me.

happy birthday, papa of genetics!

Bonne fete, Gregor Mendel!

these days.

"wasted times & broken dreams,
violent colours so obscene,
it's all i see these days...
these days."

wired.

work was fucking insane.

code blues generally result
in me being completely wired
& not being able to sleep after my shift.
this morning is definitely no exception.


went to the chiropractor after work
to get adjusted for the 4th time in a week.
him & i talked about
breaking necks,
how stupid smoking is,
death,
& cadavers.

what a weird day.

it's interesting how so much can change
yet still remain the same.

(i'm missing something
someone
who's already gone.)

i'm NOT missing:
- the angriest person i've ever known
who,
in the end,
through the utter hell he put me through,
ended up inadvertently
showing me that i deserve
soooooo much better.

thanks for that, double hater!

i've never felt safer than i do now.

post secret.

this isn't my secret,
but it certainly offers some perspective.

best policy.

there's nothing wrong with being honest.

OOF!
i just finished a 12 hour night shift.
but overtime means i'm that much closer
to paying for finishing my tattoo,
& then hopefully a plane ticket to calgary
to visit my bro.

6 more nights 'til i have 3 days off!

i can't believe how fast summer is going by.
even though i'm working a ton,
i'm still trying my best to
maintain a balance
between work & fun
by doing all that i can to enjoy my
time off from school.

had a beach day on thursday
with one of my best nursing pals,
& i've also been
soaking up lots of sun in the backyard.

time to hit the chiropractor
get hit by the chiropractor
& then crash!

p.s...
this is worth a watch:
dear 16-year-old me

ch ch changes.

"there's only one thing for certain:

everything changes."

- six feet under

today was awesome.

finis.

just finished a brutal stretch of nights.
i had a bit of a rough week.
came to some realizations
& took a big step back
from something i'm not ready for.

my weekend starts now.

thus far, my plans include:

purple hair,
sleep,
weed-pulling,
flower-planting,
birthday drinks for a friend,
pay bills,
hair cut,
coffee with my bestie,
& whatever else that comes my way.

i need fun.

lonely summer.

i miss school.
it was a nice distraction...

there's been a lot on my mind lately.
so much, that there are days that i think
my head will explode.

i wish i knew why so many people i know
are so codependent in their relationships.


i don't feel that this is a misconception at all
on my part,
since i've been very guilty of it in my own past.

but hindsight is 20/20,
& i'm able to recognize that now more than ever.

it's not a topic people want to discuss though.
i know i didn't when i was in that position.
it's easy to become defensive.

despite dealing with numerous stresses
in my life right now,
i'm happy to be able to say with confidence
that i'm completely self-assured.

i've never been more independent,
& while it can be trying at times
to say the least,
at the end of the day i know that
i'm okay.
& i will always be okay.

i no longer need to be needed
in order to feel worthy of love.

plus i've learned to
cherish my alone time...
you know,
when i can snack in bed
watching lame movies
only to notice the crumbs in my hair
the next morning...

want.

dear falafel balls,
words cannot express
my love & desire for you.

tonight!

blue valentine.

this was one of the most
heart-wrenching
films i've seen in a long time.

it showcases love for all that it is:
all-consuming,
passionate,
seemingly unbreakable,
world-rattling,
fleeting,
unforgiving,
excruciatingly painful,
disappearing.