Should old acquaintance be forgot, & never brought to mind...

happy new year.

(things are looking up)

stay tuned for a list of 'resolutions'...
although i make them all year round
& don't really require a calendar change
to fuel my motivation
to make positive changes in my life.

looking forward to some good times
with good friends tonight.
xo, 2010.
i'm glad you're almost "over".

"new" old music.

i love getting music recommendations...

i need to find the torrent for this:

this rad new dude i've been hanging out with
was kind enough to give me a flash drive of
Pixies live in Winnipeg & live in Saskatoon from '04.

rumor has it they're touring north america
sometime after the new year.
♥!!!!


i hadn't listened to them for a bit
but i still love these guys...

more of what i've been listening to lately,
new & old:








& an all-time fave:

merry xmas.

i'm carrying on my annual tradition
of working the night shift at the hospital
on christmas eve.

hope everyone has a rad xmas.
be thankful for what/who you have in your life.

i'm looking forward to a day of napping post night-shift,
goodie-nibbling and turkey-eating,
not to mention spending time with the fam.

nom nom nom.

date night?

making a comeback?

i'm a firm believer in this:

kar·ma

–noun

1.

Hinduism, Buddhism .
action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results,
good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation:
in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.

2.

Theosophy .
the cosmic principle according to which each person
is rewarded or punished in one incarnation
according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.

3.

fate; destiny.

4.

the good or bad emanations felt to be generated
by someone or something.

& a partridge in a pear tree...

this is funny...

HAHAHA.

decades.

A little old man at the hospital today
told me the story of how he met his wife,
who he's been with now for over 60 years.
Tears welled up in his eyes
as he gushed about how
in love with her he still is.

It was a nice reminder that
there truly is love that endures decades.

(its probably obvious but i should probably
state that this picture is NOT of the patient.)

waiting.

I used to have a stronger voice.
I used to be able to write.
The words would flow freely, effortlessly, articulately...
I used to feel like I felt too much,
if that's even humanly possible.
But now I feel like the cat's got my tongue
& I can't seem to find the vocabulary
to describe how I'm feeling most days.

I feel like I'm in a constant state of waiting,
waiting to snap the fuck out of
this indescribably numb lull that
I've been in for the past year.

I admit,
I've become a tad cynical.
But I'm doing my best to get a handle on it.

I did the right thing last fall
when I walked away from a toxic,
abusive relationship.

Only since then,
that experience has caused me to
question the sincerity of
anyone new entering my life.

If anyone has any pointers on how to
dispel this seemingly reflexive response,
please share your secret with me.

this picture is from 6+ years ago...
funny how things change...
(& yet don't change at all).

he who forgets will be destined to remember.

cuddles or else!

my cat rules.

do it.

disheartening.

i hate watching my friends get their ♥s broken.

ephemeral.

i'm starting to feel as though

everything in life is fleeting:

love, friendship, connections of any kind.
no one has ever proved me otherwise.
i guess all we can do is hold what we have close to us
while we still have it.
because none of it will last forever.ects.

e·phem·er·al

–adjective

1.

lasting a very short time; short-lived; transitory:
the ephemeral joys of childhood.

2.

lasting but one day: an ephemeral flower.

–noun

3.

anything short-lived, as certain insects.

school/life update.

While my moods have their ups & downs,

school is seemingly always on the up & up.

I am loving Nursing,
& despite the occasional feeling of complete panic,
I finally feel like I'm doing what I *should* be doing.
It seems to be the glue that's holding
the rest of the parts of my life together as well.

Its during trying times such as these
that it becomes easy to see what & who is important
in the grand scheme of things.

This is every day:


Time to get back to hemopoiesis...

left and leaving.

Spring forward, fall back down.
I'm trying not to wonder where you are.
All this time lingers, undefined.
Someone choose who's left and who's leaving.
Memory will rust and erode into lists of all that you gave me:
a blanket, some matches, this pain in my chest,
the best parts of Lonely, duct-tape and soldered wires,
new words for old desires,
and every birthday card I threw away.
I wait in 4/4 time.
Count yellow highway lines that you're relying on to lead you home.

[I'm running on empty here...]

holy shit.

somehow i managed to get an A+ in anatomy & physiology.
apparently studying day & night pays off.

i'm on the graveyard shift at the hospital all this week.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
forgot how hard it was to work nights.
i'm pooched.

...

quote of the day.

"It has become appallingly obvious
that our technology has exceeded our humanity."
- Albert Einstein

in search of...

today's exam might damn near kill me.

i hate this shit.
even if i fail this exam horribly
i'll still pass the course.
however i was doing sooooo well...
but somewhere along the way
i lost my damn mojo.

the battle for energy.

i prefer Red Bull in terms of
taste & effect.

but Monster has resealable cans!

this post wins for
most irrelevant blog post ever...

twas prompted by the writing of
a stressful lab exam in which i immediately
prior pounded a large coffee followed by a can of Monster...
...win!

final exams.

apparently during final exam periods
i even sleep with my textbooks.
i also eat lots of junk food & find myself wanting
to eat crap i normally wouldn't touch.
like shitloads of leftover hallowe'en candy
& the occasional craving for a big mac
that i haven't yet given into.
nom nom nom.

i think i'll be overweight (bariatric?) by the time
i finish nursing school.
exams stress the fuck out of me.

i need a break.

randomness:
cute michael cera-like dude works
at the copy centre @ school.
i may or may not have considered
photocopying ridiculous things
in pathetic attempt to grab his attention.

^ one of many reasons why
being single is better than being in some
complicated long-term relationship.

time to curl up with my lab manual,
my cats,
& my food baby.

missing.

the nights are long.

Wish I knew why it is

that I can fall asleep on the couch,
but when I crawl into bed,
my mind enters into some kind of
strange, supersonic overdrive.

I feel fragile.
So much pressure.
There's only one thing holding me together.

I miss holding hands.
I miss comfort.
I miss having a shoulder to rest my head.

I miss certainty.
But maybe certainty doesn't exist,
just the illusion of certainty.

If that's the case,
I miss the illusion.


My ticker needs some defibrillation.
Wish someone would step in with the paddles.

it is what it is.

pen·sive/ˈpensiv/

Adjective: Engaged in, involving, or reflecting
deep or serious thought.

11/11

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Dear November,

so far you suck donkey dick.

Let's switch things up, shall we?

Thinking about the 6 exams I have to write next week
makes me throw up in my mouth a bit.

Blehhhhhhhhhhh.

Oh, & to any dudes growing mustaches for Movember:
do NOT forget about DecemBEARD.
Beards > mustaches.

See?

is this for real?

Confession.

School is currently the only thing
keeping this from happening to my skull.

Happy Hallowe'en.

mortality.

i found out today that
an [extended] family member
has been diagnosed with cancer.
he's only 32.

this is too close to home.

sometimes, there are no words..

random awesomeness.

I loooooove school.

For the first time in a long time,

I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be,

doing what I'm meant to be doing.

Its HARD - its cut-throat & completely insane,
way more than I thought imagined it ever could be...
but I'm getting by.

Oh, and for the first time in years,
they aren't making students wear white to clinical!
We're wearing gray.
Not having the whole world see my underoos through my scrubs
= radness.

I think one of the best things about it all
is that everyone in my life is supportive.
My friends & family rule.

i'm a cheeseball.

went and saw this movie with a rad chick
from school tonight.
we figured we deserved it after 9 hours of studying...

it was cutesy & corny but i liked it anyway.

oh, it also featured my fave Its Always Sunny character,
Charlie Day.

better blog updates coming soon.
two exams this week,
one next week,
and then a tiny lull before i have to
start preparing myself for finals.

bathroom graffiti.

Student life gets lonely sometimes.
Especially when you spend your evenings & weekends
inside of your textbooks.

I read this on a bathroom stall yesterday.
Its very true.
Above it, someone had written something to the effect of:
"The best guys are the ones who will stay."

(Too bad the person experiences difficulty
with their spelling.)

Its true though.
Anyone could stay.

I kind of want a dude to knock me on my ass
with awesomeness right now,
but something tells me that's not happening anytime soon.

Books that aren't textbooks.

rad new books i probably won't
have any time to read...